What Dreams May Come

I have spent a lot of time fantasizing about what my wedding would be like for the past, ohhhh, 2 years or so.

Well, honestly, it's been a lot longer than that. I'm turning 34 this year (but don't tell anyone that! As far as my age is concerned, I plan on staying 28 forever!). I have thought about, planned, and re-planned my wedding day since I was a little girl.

But in the past 2 years I have put more thought into it than ever.

Why?

Because I'm in LOVE!

(And while I'm being completely honest here, let me share a few other details about me. I've been married before. But I was young (18! Gah! What was I thinking??!!), ready to "grow up" and play house. I was also pregnant, and in the next few years had 3 other children. Yep. A total of 4 little (but not so little anymore) bundles of joy. Obviously things didn't work out, it's in the past, and I don't want to dwell on it.

Three and a half years ago I met, and fell in love with, the man of my dreams. I do believe he is my soul mate, my twin flame, the man that fate planned for me to grow old with. And although he would undoubtedly argue about it, he is perfect.

We live together now with a full house. The two of us, his son, my 3 daughters, and my dad. It's not always easy(especially with my father!), we have our ups and downs, but I wouldn't want to miss a minute of it!

We are not, however... technically, engaged yet. At least not in the sense of having a proposal, a ring, and a date set. But it's inevitable. We have discussed it and it's what we both want. There are just a few.... ahem.... responsibilities we have to deal with first.)

I don't care as much as I did as a little girl about having a big wedding. I would marry him in an instant with nothing but an official with a certificate. Standing in a shack wearing a t-shirt, jeans, and flip-flops, with no one in the world knowing that (with the exception of the birth of my children) the most monumental, exciting, amazing event was happening for me right that moment!

I would be lying though if I said didn't want a dream wedding with all the trimmings. Of course I want that! I'm a girlie girl! What girlie girl doesn't want to get all dressed up and feel like a princess for a day?

But there are more obstacles in our way than I think we could ever hurdle to make the dream wedding a reality. Not the least of which being that this will be a second wedding for both of us. It seems to be the general consensus of most people that second weddings should be handled "discreetly", no frills, no beautiful wedding gown, no party to celebrate the new couple. At least that's how most of my family feels. I don't think it's supposed to matter that neither of us had a "real" wedding our first times around.

It doesn't matter.

I will still imagine what my wedding day would be like. I will pick out my beautiful gown, my flowers, music, and the most amazing wedding cake! I will decide what colors I would use, who my bridemaids would be, and where the ceremony will take place. I will still smile every time I close my eyes and imagine the look on his face when he sees me for the first in my wedding gown.

It doesn't matter that it's something that will never happen. This is MY dream. That's something no one can take away.